Perverted crush + popular culture = strange sensation followed by early bed.

I have just made a foul discovery. I, a little bit fancy, the man from the pay-as-you-go phone adverts who starts up a band and travels up and down the country shouting 'Join in! Let's all have fun!' like a dim-witted pied piper. Sick, I know, and I will seek help. Promise. It's not his face - which looks like the back of a wooden spoon with eyes, nose and mouth drawn on with a blunt pencil - disgustingly, he has a nice aaaaarrrrseee. Argh!

To make things worse, I really like both of La Roux's songs and this new girl Ellie Goulding also has a catchy tune going on. I feel like an old woman watching the Brits intro programme going 'Who's that? Who ARE they?!' (JLS) 'These are quite good - what fun irony these little scamps are utilising!' (N-DUBZ) and 'Excuse me whilst I vomit' (Fearne Cotton).

Whilst getting my yearly popular culture fix, I decided to flick over to the National Televison Awards on another channel, to be greeted by the 'Best Soap' award award award. They proceeded to show clips from Easties, Corrie, The 'Oaks and the Other One. I don't know much about the other one - except that it always has incest story lines and is set on a farm. The choicest clips of 2009 from all of these included a montage of everyone from Albert Square watching the lady who used to be on Game On getting carted off by the old Bill, whilst the camera focused on a slo-mo of Ian Beale's face with a bit of chip falling our of his mouth. The 'Oaks clip had someone doing the famous dance from Dirty Dancing's climax, then inexplicably getting shot half way through, and the one set on the farm showed a not-at-all harrowing clip of a girl and boy being told that they shouldn't be sleeping with each other, as they are in fact brother and sister... I don't know why I laughed, but I did. Probably because I'm sick and I fancy the man from the mobile phone advert.

Today I bought Rosie a birthday present. A thing of beauty and a joy forever! Unfortunately I also bought myself a present at the same time and now I have no money. Obviously I am a twat and now I need to travel everywhere on foot and eat delicious brown rice only. Except for the Ferrero Rocher that Rick has just wantonly shoved in my gob. We have 14 FR left, which means strict rationing from now on.

Now that I have had a pop overload, I am going to watch Newsnight and get back to reality. I may also have another FR. I think I deserve it for all of the culture that I have ingested, as everyone knows that you must ingest lots of choc, rather than pop.

Thanks you and goodnight x